the relationship..

After almost 3 years of marriage.. i have to admit.. marriage wasnt an easy game to play.. it is hard.. it need a lot patient.. it need consideration.. it need to leave the selfishness behind.. and do what is right for everybody in the relationship.. not what is right for us.. marriage may not just be about love.. but it is more about acceptance, consideration, faith and trust...

i must admit.. those 3 years living with abang.. was tough! i knew him for almost 3 years before we got married.. but those 3 years does not make me knew who he really was.. The moment we enter into the agreement of marriage.. everything had been reset to new.. he was like a new man.. the man that i knew for the past 3 years suddenly gone.. though we had become friend for almost 3 years.. but marriage make the relationship like a fresh start.. everything was soo new.. so fresh..

And 3 years of marriage.. i must admit.. i'm still at the stage of knowing him.. and i guess he also at the same stage.. why huh?? i dont know..

Those 3 years, make me dig about his weakness more.. i dont know why i did that.. maybe due to the pressure around.. i started to see that my life was not fair when i with him.. i dig about his weakness and i forget all the wonderful things that he had done to me... because of that.. we argue a lot... we fight a lot.. and we had destroyed everything a lot.. especially the feeling of love that we still have ..

And one day.. i've told him.. " abg ayg rasa ayg dah x syg abg.. and ayg rasa ayg dh x nk teruskan".. how selfish i am... i was so angry...

Does the relationship have to end this way after all these years we have been married.. does the love stop like that after having two kids??? No...no..

To be honest.. i love my husband so much.. but i was just to ego to admit that.. i hide my feeling coz i thought that can make me be stronger.. i thought that's the only way that can make my husband try earn me.. like the way he did before...

But i was wrong.. my husband dont have to earn me.. i am his forever.. and hiding my feeling does not make me feel stronger.. because there is no way i can be strong without him.. This world is though.. and i can handle this on my own.. i need him.. i need my husband...

Deep inside me.. i know he is a wonderful husband.. it is just i was too blind before.. and now i have to change.. i have to open my eyes... for my relationship.. for him.. for my kids.. and for myself..

And here.. i just want to list all the wonderful things he had done to me.. so i can remember.. and i always be sure.. that he was meant to me.. Allah SWT had made him perfect for me...

1) Abang selalu tolong i..dia tolong simpan baju anak2.. tolong lipat.. tolong kemas barang2 anak..walaupun itu sepatutnya tugas i.. tapi abang dah ringankan beban i..

2) Abang always try to help me.. masa pantang.. sebulan abang duduk kat Terengganu..abang tolong jaga Rayyan... abang tolong jaga Aleesya.. abang just make urusan berpantang become easier for me..

3) Bila i mintak tolong abang.. abang akan tolong.. without delay... abang always there beside me...

4) Bila i susah hati.. abang akan cakap.. " x payah pikir.. nanti kita senanglah..".. walaupun dlm hati abang pun dia x tahu mcm mana nk selesaikan masalah.. tapi still dia bagi i harapan that things will be better soon..

5) Abang memang banyak bersabar dengan i.. and i tahu..bila abang mengamuk.. it is not because abang tu jahat.. but because i was too much provoked him.. abang became too aggressive..it is not because he want to.. but it is because i made him to..

6) Abang loves our kids.. and abang always try to make our kids happy..

7) I x kerje.. so i banyak bergantung hidup pd abang.. and tiap2 bulan abang banyak keluar duit.. duit ASB abang.. makin lama makin kurang... tapi abang stll spent duit untuk kitaorang...

Regards
Attilla..