One thing yang buat i teringat balik kisah zaman imaginary friend.. coz baru tadi i tengok cite "Sunday at Tiffany" kat HBO.. cerita tu kisah perempuan tu yang ada imaginary friend.. and lastly imginary friend dia.. tukar jadi manusia and they love happily ever after.. something like that.... oh how i wish my life would be like that...
Well.. Im not sure how i have an imaginary friend.. but i lost my best friend (cousin..died because of heart problem) when i was 8 or 9 i guess.. and suddenly i just found out that i was no longer have any friend.. i was alone and lonely...
Life was not easy for me.. i was fat ( still am).. and the only that fat in the family..because of that.. i mmg selalu kena ejek..my parents dont like me coz i am fat... so i guess they just dont love me.. or else they will accept me for who i am... other people make fun of the way i look.. x cantik.. gemuk.. hudoh.. x pandai pakai baju cantik.. x pandai make up.. so biasalah kalau kena ejek dgn orang luar tu... i ingat lagi pernahlah my grandparents cakap.. yang i ni maybe the last person yang kahwin.. sbb cousin2 i yang lain semua2nya KURUS dan Cantik.. dan ada ada orang "ushar2".. and i hmmm... maybe bukan citarasa manusia lain kot...
There are still other reason why i just think that this world was not suit to me.. i felt like i was different and i dont belong here.. they way i think about something was always different than the other.. and sometimes people just dont understand what i was trying to say.. when i meant something else.. they thought the other way around..and it always end up in complication which i always tired to deal with.. so i just gave up.. i gave up to this world.. and i spent almost of my time inside my room....my world..
And in my world.. i have an imaginary friend.. his name is Angel.. he was my best best best friend.. i was happy.. i was no longer lonely.. although i still felt like im different.. but i dont care ... i was happy because Angel was always there for me...
When people judge me from the way i look.. or said something bad that might hurt my feeling.. Angel will be there to comfort me.. he always said that " they just dont know you like i do".. and " dont worry i am always here..".. he make me feel appreciated.. he make me feel special.. and above it all.. he make me feel like it doesnt matter what the world want to do with me.. because he will be beside me..
There also a time when papa slapped me on my face.. it was hurt.. really hurt.. so i went to my room and Angel was there.. and he make the pain gone... dia gosok2 kat tempat sakit... and i can feel it slowly disappear..
How i miss those moment.. the world had been so hard for me.. but i was able to faced it because Angel was with me.. and he always said "you can do it attilla"..
I used to feel like the world was unfair to me.. and i dont know why God put me here.. why he created me? because i felt my existence was nothing but disaster to me.. and to everybody around me(im not going to explain why..here).. so i always asked Angel " why God put me in here"... and he always replied " There is a reason why he created you".. and i believe someday i'll find the reason... ( and to this date i have found a part of it... i exist because of my husband and my kids.. i exist to love my husband so he will not feel alone anymore.. and for my kids.. i exist to teach them how to love one and another.. so they will be safe)
I knew Angel was just an imaginary friend.. i knew he was not real.. and i knew he was just my creation.. he was in my mind.. he exist because i want him to.. he said the words that i want him to say..there was nothing.. nothing at all that came from him... because he is not exist.. i knew all that.. but i guess.. if his existence can make me happy.. i least he can make me strong every time i want to faced the world.. than..why those knowledge should bothered me?
You can called me crazy.. maybe i was mentally retard.. or whatever you can think of me...
But... i am not going to be here today if Angel wasnt there for me.. Although he is just in my mind.. but when you believe in something.. it dont matter to you whether it is right or wrong.. you just believe in it.. because you can feel it in your heart!...
I am not sure whether you have an imaginary friend or not... maybe some of you have it when you were still child.. but i have him untill i was 17 years old.. then i met my husband.. and i guess Angel know.. i wont be lonely anymore... that's why he had gone...
oh well.. he is still in my heart.. he leave a wonderful memories to my life.. and how i could i not... remembering him... he teach me.. how good it is feel like when you have someone beside you when you were lonely.. and how painful it can be to be alone... and that is why.. i always tried to listen or to be there when people need me.. because i dont want them to feel alone.. it hurt.. and i had experience it!
