Plan untuk berpindah...

Almost 3 years.. me, my husband and my kids duduk dengan mertua.. so next year kitaorang plan untuk berpindah and duduk kat umah sendiri pulak.. kami perlu belajar untuk berdikari..
since anak kami dah 2.. kami rasa dah perlu sgt untuk kami duduk sendiri and build our family on our own....

So plan untuk berpindah.. inshaAllah Jan 2011...

alhamdulillah dengan sedikit rezeki yg kami dapat on dec 2010.. this few things kami nk kene beli untuk rumah kami.. rumah tue sebenarnya dah fully furnished.. cuma nk kene tukar a few things ajer..

1. TV LCD
2. Air cond ( my husband dah beli aircond sebenarnya tapi pg install kat bilik dia umah mertua.. so takkan nk cabutkan?? beli baru ajerlah... huhuhu)
3. stove ( skrang ada stove yang satu tempat masak ajer.. nk tukar yang 2 tempat masak)
4. Tilam ( tilam yang ada dah berspring.. so nk cr yang baru yang x sakit badan sgt)
5. Meja komputer abang.
6. Pasang line internet streamyx
7. Tempat sidai baju.
8. Peti sejuk
9. Almari baju untuk anak2.
10. Tempat gantung tudung2 saya..
11. Alat2 memasak.. ( kuali baru.. pisau pemotong baru)
12. Tempat makan baby.. ( untuk Aleesya.. since Benjamin dah boleh duduk atas kerusi)
13. Dryer ( mudah kalau nk kering baju)
14. Home theather set.. ( kasi syok sikit bila nk tengok TV.. hahahah)
15. Meja makan baru ( mau cari yg kayu punya.. kasi kukuh sikit)
16. Sampul tilam dan bantal gambar BEN10 atau Upin&ipin atau toy story.. Coz benjamin gonna have his own room.. x payah nk tido dgn mummy dan daddy lagi..

Rasanya that;s all untuk masa ini...

Kitaorang balik KL inshaallah hari ahad nie.. so nk kene slow berkemas2 untuk pindah.. segaja balik awal ke KL.. untuk mudah berpindah sebelum start kelas... hehehe

shopping

I memang bukan kaki shopping.. dan memang x suka shopping... kalau pergi kedai pun, hanya akan pergi beli barang yang nak dibeli, mmg i paling benci nak jalan2 cuci mata nie, dahlah buat penat badan, tapi barangnya x dapat pun.. so window shopping bukan kene dengan jiwa i

Tapi lain pulak dengan abang. Abang mmg suka window shopping, and everytime abang nk beli something it always take more than one hour untuk abang memilih barang2. Mmg at the end of the day abang akan beli jugak barang tue, cuma abang always need a longer time to choose which one yang dia betul2 satisfy.. kata abang dia nak bali satu barang sampai dia puas hati..

Pernah sekali tue i temankan abang pergi beli bag untuk travel, kitaorang sampai kat midvalley dalam pukul 5.30.. tapi pukul 7.00 baru abang boleh pilih beg mana yang dia betul2 nk beli.. i duk kat situ temankan abang sabar ajerlah.. memang muka i masa tu masam gila2.. sbb penat sangat temankan abg bershopping. sejam berdiri kat situ.. tunjuk yang ni x berkenan.. tunjuk yang tu x berkenan.. fuhhhh mmg sungguh susah..

Abang mmg sekepala dengan my mum.. kaki shopping.. sbb tue everytime my mum nk pergi shopping, abang sorang ajer yang volunteer nak ikut.. kalau papa tu dah lama give up dengan mama.. mama dia boleh bershopping dari pukul 8 pagi.. sampai 8 malam tanpa henti.. mmg jenis dia mcm tue... jenis suka bershopping.. kalau dulu2.. mama ajak pergi shopping.. mesti i x akan nak ikut..kalau i ikut pun.. mesti i akan mengamuk nak balik... hahahaha..

Honestly i selalu rasa mcm nk lari ajer bila abang ajak pergi beli something.. cuma memandangkan dia tue suami.. so kenelah ikut.. kalau x ... x ada maknanya i nk temankan dia.. mmg lama gile2... boleh kene darah tinggi tengok abang bershopping...

the relationship..

After almost 3 years of marriage.. i have to admit.. marriage wasnt an easy game to play.. it is hard.. it need a lot patient.. it need consideration.. it need to leave the selfishness behind.. and do what is right for everybody in the relationship.. not what is right for us.. marriage may not just be about love.. but it is more about acceptance, consideration, faith and trust...

i must admit.. those 3 years living with abang.. was tough! i knew him for almost 3 years before we got married.. but those 3 years does not make me knew who he really was.. The moment we enter into the agreement of marriage.. everything had been reset to new.. he was like a new man.. the man that i knew for the past 3 years suddenly gone.. though we had become friend for almost 3 years.. but marriage make the relationship like a fresh start.. everything was soo new.. so fresh..

And 3 years of marriage.. i must admit.. i'm still at the stage of knowing him.. and i guess he also at the same stage.. why huh?? i dont know..

Those 3 years, make me dig about his weakness more.. i dont know why i did that.. maybe due to the pressure around.. i started to see that my life was not fair when i with him.. i dig about his weakness and i forget all the wonderful things that he had done to me... because of that.. we argue a lot... we fight a lot.. and we had destroyed everything a lot.. especially the feeling of love that we still have ..

And one day.. i've told him.. " abg ayg rasa ayg dah x syg abg.. and ayg rasa ayg dh x nk teruskan".. how selfish i am... i was so angry...

Does the relationship have to end this way after all these years we have been married.. does the love stop like that after having two kids??? No...no..

To be honest.. i love my husband so much.. but i was just to ego to admit that.. i hide my feeling coz i thought that can make me be stronger.. i thought that's the only way that can make my husband try earn me.. like the way he did before...

But i was wrong.. my husband dont have to earn me.. i am his forever.. and hiding my feeling does not make me feel stronger.. because there is no way i can be strong without him.. This world is though.. and i can handle this on my own.. i need him.. i need my husband...

Deep inside me.. i know he is a wonderful husband.. it is just i was too blind before.. and now i have to change.. i have to open my eyes... for my relationship.. for him.. for my kids.. and for myself..

And here.. i just want to list all the wonderful things he had done to me.. so i can remember.. and i always be sure.. that he was meant to me.. Allah SWT had made him perfect for me...

1) Abang selalu tolong i..dia tolong simpan baju anak2.. tolong lipat.. tolong kemas barang2 anak..walaupun itu sepatutnya tugas i.. tapi abang dah ringankan beban i..

2) Abang always try to help me.. masa pantang.. sebulan abang duduk kat Terengganu..abang tolong jaga Rayyan... abang tolong jaga Aleesya.. abang just make urusan berpantang become easier for me..

3) Bila i mintak tolong abang.. abang akan tolong.. without delay... abang always there beside me...

4) Bila i susah hati.. abang akan cakap.. " x payah pikir.. nanti kita senanglah..".. walaupun dlm hati abang pun dia x tahu mcm mana nk selesaikan masalah.. tapi still dia bagi i harapan that things will be better soon..

5) Abang memang banyak bersabar dengan i.. and i tahu..bila abang mengamuk.. it is not because abang tu jahat.. but because i was too much provoked him.. abang became too aggressive..it is not because he want to.. but it is because i made him to..

6) Abang loves our kids.. and abang always try to make our kids happy..

7) I x kerje.. so i banyak bergantung hidup pd abang.. and tiap2 bulan abang banyak keluar duit.. duit ASB abang.. makin lama makin kurang... tapi abang stll spent duit untuk kitaorang...

Regards
Attilla..

last night...

The story began when abang masuk bilik untuk tgk i ..masa tue i tengah baring sambil berselimut.. x pasang aircond.. x pasang kipas.. tutup lampu.. and pasang cite " wall Street"..

Abang masuk.. abg pun pasang aircond and kipas.. coz dia cakap panas.. Then abang pun terus naik atas katil... angkat kepala i letak atas bahu dia.. and abg pun peluk i... and..

abang : ehhh.. warm nyer badan ayg..

me : hmm..

Abang : ayang demam ke???

Me : yer kot...ayg rasa sejuk sangat.. sbb tue ayg x pasang kipas and aircond..

Abang : ayg nk abang tutup air cond ke??

Me : x payahlah.. nanti abang panas...

Abang : mesti ayg jangkit dengan abang nie... sorry yer sayang...

Me : x apalah...

A family...

After having two kids.. me and my husband always discuss what kind of family that we wanted.. and of course the answer would always be a " happy family".. But how to make it happen??

The key is.. both me and my husband have to love each other.. so the kids will learn to love one and another..

Looking at people who has 8 or 10 or ever 11 kids.. and all of them unite.. always try to make their parents happy.. i feel like god had bless those family soo much..

Last few days.. i read newspaper about a parents who went to do hajj with the help of their 10 kids.. All of their kids.. try to spent as much money as they can.. to make it possible for their parents do hajj.. what a wonderful family...

I am sure that every family must have their own obstacle.. but rather than blame the family... all of them unite to cope with the matters..

I am sure.. to have those kind of family.. me and my husband have to work hard.. we have to show to them... that things that matter in this world..YOUR FAMILY... and does family relates to the one that only share the same blood with you??? NO.. A family.. is everyone that close with you.. that always stand beside you.. who never leave you behind.. who never bring you down.. who cry when you re cry. and laugh when you're laugh... that's a family...

All i want.. is a family.. when i love them.. they will love me back.. i want my kids to love with one and another.. and has a very good relationship with other relatives and friends too... so they will know.. In this world.. they're not alone..

I miss my Best friend

This is a picture of ME, MEON ( in the middle).. and AFIQ.. we went to Genting Highland main salji... hahahhaha...



Ni pulak pictures dengan kawan2 masa blaja MSU.. Me, Lala, Farida,Dayang , Tim.. and at the TOP Azra... oh well Azra dah x tahu kemana skarang nie... hikhikhik...

ohhhh... how i miss those days.. the days that i used to hang out dengan kawan2 sampai pagi... the day that kitaorang selalu borak2 sampai x tido satu hari... the day that kitaorang bergaduh dan berbaik semula... the day dimana kitaorang x ada duit.. and masing2 tong-tong duit sbb nk buat makan.... hmmm.. there is no way i can go back to those days...

After married.. i did asked my husband a few times.. untuk keluar dengan kawan2.. sekali sekala.. YES dia memang bagi i keluar.. but then.. feeling untuk keluar lepas dah kahwin nie.. x sama mana sebelum kawin dulu.. yerlah.. bila keluar lama2.. rindu kat anak2 pulak... and xkanlah lepak sampai lagi.. sape nk jaga anak???

So.. bila x leh keluar.. i selalulah call kawan2.. sbb tulah bil telefon i tiap2 bulan almost RM200!!!!.. memang tiap2 bulan kene mengamuk di my hubby.. sbb jenuh dia nak bayar bil telefon tiap2 bulan....tapi apa boleh buat.. i miss my bestfriend...

hmmmm... rindunya......

A family

I dibesarkan dalam keluarga yang mempunyai ikatan kekeluargaan yang sungguh-sungguh kuat.. ayah-ayah sedara i.. i anggap mcm ayah i sendiri.. dan mak-mak sedara pun x ubah macam mak i sendiri.. sepupu-sepupu pulak.. ibarat adik-adik sendiri... memang hubungan kami agak rapat.. both my mother punya side.. mahupun my father.. walaupun i lebih rapat sebelah my mum.. tapi still hubungan i dengan family sebelah my papa pun baik-baik aja..

My grandparents ada 8 orang anak.. 4 lelaki dan 4 perempuan.. ada 8 orang menantu.. and berapa puluh orang cucu pun i x tahu.. maybe dah 30 cucu kot.. but still kesemua ahli keluarga ni bersatu antara satu sama lain...

Sebelah my mum pulak.. parents dia dah meninggal lama..my mum ada 7 orang adik beradik.. 3 lelaki dan 4 perempuan.. tapi abang dengan kakak my mum dah meninggal.. so just tinggal 5 orang aje lagi.. and hubungan mereka.. x pernah berenggang..

Bila i tengok hubungan kekeluargaan kedua belah pihak my parents yang sungguh rapat.. i wonder..bila i ada anak2 nanti.. mungkinkah anak-anak i akan punya hubungan seakrab mcm nie???

Keluarga sebelah my papa.. semuanya berjaya-berjaya belaka.. semuanya menjawat jawatan yang besar-besar belaka.. ada yang jadi lecturer.. ada yg jadi businessman.. ada yang jadi cikgu.. dan ada jugak yang kerje bidang petroleum ni.. and masing-masing bukan duduk di dalam satu negara.. ada yang duk di selangor.. ada yang duduk di UK.. ada yang duduk di Qatar sana.. tapi still mereka selalu contact sesama sendiri.. selalu balik gathering satu family.. dan mcm..

Dan yang paling seronok i tengok bila.. masing-masing selalu ambil berat pasal my grandparents.. bila atuk i selalu sakit2 badan.. ada yang belikan kerusi mengurut.. ada yang bawak pergi makan mahal2.. ada yang bawak pergi bercuti luar negara.. and yang paling best.. semuanya bersatu untuk adakan family gathering.. kumpulkan semua anak beranak.. and hiburkan my grandparents... mother's day.. father;s day.. Happy birthday.. dan jugak anniversary my grandparents semua di sambut oleh anak2 menantu dan cucu2.. and i rasa.. sungguh bertuahnya my grandparents.. sebab my grandparents ada ramai anak.. membesarkan 8 orang anak.. bukan kerje mudah.. 2 orang pun rasa mcm nak pengsan.. inikan 8 orang??? tapi kesemua 8 orang anak mereka.. semuanya berjaya.. dan semuanya sayang kat my grandparents.. daripada anak.. menantu hinggalah cucu dan cicit.. semuanya sayangkan my grandparents... and i rasa.. their life is almost perfect.... and i wonder.. mampukah keluarga i jadi mcm tue..??

Ada pepatah mengatakan " The best thing that a father can do to his childrens is to love their mother".. and i rasa benda nie memang betul.. anak-anak memang belajar macam mana berkasih sayang antara satu sama lain.. melalui kasih sayang yang ditunjukkan oleh mak ayah mereka.. Kalau mak ayah asyik bergaduh ajer hari2.. or just buat donno aje antara satu sama lain.. anak2 akan belajar untuk bergaduh.. or buat donno ajer dengan adik beradik yang lain.. dan orang sekeliling.. Tapi jika mak dan ayah selalu pamerkan kasih sayang antara suami isteri.. anak2 belajar untuk berkasih sayang dengan adik beradik.. dan orang sekeliling..

In my grandparents punya kes.. atuk i memang romantik.. i rasa lelaki tua paling romantik i pernah jumpa.. atuk i memang x boleh hidup tanpa nenek i.. and nenek i x akan pergi mana-mana tanpa atuk i.. and i pernah ingat lagi atuk i pernah cakap.. kalau dia sakit.. dia x nak orang lain jaga dia.. dia hanya nak nenek i yang jaga dia.. so memang boleh nampak.. betapa kasihnya atuk i kat nenek i.. hinggakan hanya nenek i ajer yang matters dalam hidup dia..

There was times.. dimana i ternampak diaorang berpimpin tangan.. atuk i tidur atas peha nenek i.. and masa anniversary diaorang yang ke 45 tahun.. masa tu kitaorang sambut anniversary diaorang kat restoran.. siap ada persembahan kreatif dari setiap family lagi.. and masa tue atuk i ada bagi ucapan.. dia cakap.. masa zaman dia kahwin dulu hanya dia sorang ajer belah kek time kawin.. and hari tue after 45 tahun dah kahwin.. dia masih belah kek pada ulangtahun perkahwinan dia.. and dia cakap lagi.. dia nampak nenek i..masih lagi cantik mcm mana masa mula2 dia kahwin dengan nenek i... hmmm.. how romantic... memang atuk i sangat romantik.. sebab tue semua anak2 dia pun romantic.. termasuklah my dad.. hahahaha

atuk i x pandai nk buat susu anak.. x pandai pun nak basuh berak anak.. and if you tinggalkan budak kecik kat atuk i.. i rasa mesti dia boleh pengsan.. sbb dia x tahu pun mcm mana dia nk uruskan anak2.. tapi mcm mana anak-anak boleh sayang atuk i sangat-sangat?? SIMPLE.. because he deeply in love with my grandmother.. so anak-anak learn how to love their father..

I nampak.. mcm mana baiknya atuk i layan nenek i.. macam itu jugaklah baiknya anak dia.. layan pasangan masing-masing... and i want to have that kind of family...

I x nak hidup yang dilimpahi kekayaan.. i x nak hidup yang penuh dengan kebendaan.. apa yang i nak.. adalah sebuah keluarga yang bahagia.. i nak anak-anak i membesar dengan kasih sayang.. and belajar berkasih sayang antara satu sama lain dan orang sekeliling.. apa yang i nak.. bila i tua nanti.. anak-anak i.. akan hidup dalam perpaduan sebagai sebuah keluarga.. x berpecah belah.. dan dengki mendengki antara satu sama lain.. x kutuk mengutuk.... jika sorang ada masalah.. yang lain turun membantu.. emotionally and physically.. bukan mengutuk.. bukan menghina.. i nak anak-anak i.. sayangkan adik beradik diaorang.. sayangkan orang sekeliling.. sepertimana i sayangkan diaorang.. it is unconditionally love.. i have no reason why i love my kids so very much.. it is simply because they are my kids.. they grew up inside my wombs.. and they are a part of me..

my grandparents are bless coz our family is big.loving andd caring with each other.. and i am bless because i have my kids.. and i know they love me...